Why I’m a Psychedelic Supporter (But not a Psychedelic User)
I’m Jesse, sister of Empathic Health founder, Doug Finkelstein. It is no secret that my brother advocates for healing through psychedelics. While I admire his dedication to spreading the word that they might be able to help specific people, I still am yet to be convinced that they are the right choice for me.
I have read studies on psilocybin being useful in situations where people are depressed, have PTSD, OCD, and more. One major issue I have with reading about the drug is that I feel any of the situations that occurred for the person being written about, will then occur for me (I am very suggestible). It is not uncommon for me to allow my anxiety to control my thinking and then spiral into a dark hole.
One of the things that weirds me out about life is the concept of indefinite periods of time. As someone who likes to be in control, I find that doing things that alter my mental state are probably best left to those who know they are equipped to handle it. The mere thought of being stuck (for what would probably feel like an indefinite period of time) on a bad trip is enough to keep me from truly exploring if it could help me.
What is repeated to me every single time someone talks about the difference between good and bad trips is: “Make sure you are in a proper setting and mental state.” The setting part, to me, is a much easier ask than the latter. How can you expect me to be in a healthy state of mind before trying a substance that is claimed to be life-altering? At any given moment, if you ask me how my mental state is, probably 5/10 times I would say it is okay.
Now, I get that there is a chance I could — assisted by doctors — benefit from these drugs and continue to use them in such a way that aids my well-being. However, I also understand (and tend to definitely think about this side more often) that I can experience a terrible trip (terrible because I am an anxious person who has already talked myself into it being bad and this will most likely project onto my actual experience) and remain in this anxiety-induced state for numerous hours.
Some of my thoughts (a mix of both normal and partly OCD driven):
- What if life not on these drugs becomes even more dull?
- What if I have a terrible trip and I’m never the same?
- What if I hate the trip so much and get stuck in that state of mind forever?
I think what I would need in order to try psilocybin is a drug you could administer right away (some injection or something) that would immediately take you out of your altered mind state and put you back into your normal one. Even then, I probably would find a way to convince myself that the person administering the drug could have used a placebo or that for whatever reason, I was the .2 percent that this drug wouldn’t work on. The idea of willingly submitting myself to an anxious state (it will begin anxious as that is my feelings on the matter) and probably be anxious for the duration, seems highly undesirable and honestly just silly.
I am glad that people have found positives in their journeys using psilocybin. But I also think it’s important to recognize that psilocybin, like anything else, isn’t for everyone and that it is completely okay to not be interested in trying it.
